When I was 24 year old, I was seriously depressed.
Even though I was taking the highest possible dose of two different anti-depressants, most days it was still a struggle to get out of bed. I was barely eating, had no energy and all I wanted to do was to sleep.
I had zero desire left to live. I felt worthless and unlovable. I had to take a leave of absence from work, and stayed home, sleeping the days away. I was hiding from deep feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness. I was in the midst of incredible suffering and agony and I considered taking my own life daily.
I reached a point where my intense emotional distress caused my mind to shut down. It got so bad that I lost my ability to read.
I was so confused. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before.
I literally couldn't force my brain to process words on paper, no matter how long I stared at them. I was terrified and I knew I needed help. That’s when I finally picked up the phone and asked for help. Luckily, those were my darkest of days.
By asking for help, I learned that I have the power to choose my thoughts which would affect my emotions which would affect my actions. If I could transform my negative thought patterns into positive ones, I could choose how to feel every day.
And it worked, mostly… I was able to heal myself from depression but, as recent as just a few years ago, I was still struggling.